I tried to impress her but it didn't work.

Hey, Bert and Gert

I need your help. I met a girl online and went out with her.

I really tried to impress her.

I took her to a place where I like the food. I know I mustn't be late for a date so I got there early. I was hungry I ordered and was almost finished when she got there.

She arrived on time and I thought she looked very nice. I told her so. Then I told her to go to the buffet and choose her own food. So she did and then she paid and then she sat down and we talked. When she had finished I asked if she would like to go somewhere else for ice cream and she said yes.

I asked if she would take me to the place in her car because mine was old and dirty. She didn't mind.

Then when we arrived, I ordered and paid for my ice cream and waited for her but when I turned around she was gone.

I've called her lots of times and sent her lots of messages but she won't tell me what I did wrong.

Can you help me?

Bert says:

You did what?

Can we help you?

Yes. Don't date, don't consider marriage, don't consider breeding.

You are a disgrace to gentlemen everywhere. Go away.

Gert says:

You'd have had me out of there at hello.

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